The truth of feeling

Today was a good day,

and now I'm reduced to journaling

by lamplight in my room, while eating

peanut butter m&ms, of course.

The m&ms are a coping mechanism,

the journal a habit of thought.

You see, neither really do their job.

It'd be easier if I were not.

But the truth of the matter,

if the matter is what you want,

is that feelings are fleeting

and fleeting they're permanently not.

I once saw a raindrop, perfectly clear

drop like a gem from the sky.

It shone and twinkled like a wish toward my eye,

and I tell you wish I didn't, not in that moment.

In that moment there was only me

and the drop, twice refracted, once reflected.

All of everything in the sun on rain,

I was everything in the ebb and flow of a sun-shower rain.

In reply to He Puts Pen to Paper

But that never happened,

and it never will.

Because I don't love you,

I still refuse to.

Because for me to love you

I would need some things.

I would need to touch you,

I would need to touch your face.

I would need to kiss you,

I would need to know your taste.

I would need to know you,

both your mind and your physique.

I would need to need you,

and all I have is want.

I really want to need you,

but love you I cannot.

Pasamos Juntos

Amor,

pasamos juntos.

We walk together.

Yesterday, I went to the beach,

and left footprints in the sand.

Then, I walked back,

being careful to step in each one perfectly,

and walked again with bare feet,

so that I could pretend you were walking beside me

holding your shoes in your hand

and wearing that pretty yellow dress.

We walk together.

When I go to the store I buy

a pint of cookie dough

and eat it with two spoons,

one for you.

We walk together.

I drink wine on the porch,

white, your favorite.

Two glasses awaiting the sunset.

Amor,

pasamos juntos.

We walk together

Remember that when you feel alone.