Friday, December 26, 2008
circle
at the start a hope
in the middle a crisis
at the end submission
our circle of life
how does it look
are you alright babe?
doesn't seem so nice
this ain't the disney version
our endless round
doesn't move the soul
circle
So I sit here and instead of writing that usual vapid little poem I think I'm going to try something different. But, alas, I find myself writing my way into circles. Constantly, consistently I find myself thinking the same thoughts and coming to the same conclusions. I don't have anything fresh or new to add. I am not a unique voice. I haven't even written a word, and, yet, I know that it isn't worth the effort. Back myself up against that immovable wall because baby nothing is breaking through this dim.
toast
sometimes that's all there is
one word from one tiny language
toast
do you know why i'm toast?
because I am no longer capable
I don't wake up to the sounds of my mother making it
I don't wake up to the sound of a wife serving it
I don't wake up to children seeking it
I have lost myself
I have lost the way
if toast is no longer something to celebrate
then it is done; obliterate
love
one word so little time
to gear myself to your crime
and if you were to be my muse
would you hold on to me despite the abuse
and if i were to be your all
and i stopped your fall
would you move
to that word's groove?
love
our
little
word
Joe's right
it's the perfect time to write
while in tune with the night
feeling slumber's tender fright
there's no sleep in darkest light
our drunken hearts can't face the fight
and as I played the moment passed
too focused to sense the time to write
I've lost the sight
I lack the might
but heed this warning-you'll make it right
you'll save us from the dark night's plight
the boy of eighteen
who could do anything
he played on the piano
he captured photographs
what hearts desire and no one knows
and still he chose
to be betrothed
of a silly school
in midwest recluse
to struggle daily
for a game without mercy
he says it's the program
he says for education
but I know it's something different
he came here for love
of an incomprehensible game
and he won't tell me what
but something matters in that play
something grander than pitching balls
and swinging graceless bats
something worthwhile
something true
the boy who can do anything
found something with meaning
he's better than me
I flounder in the sea
such a severe lack of connection
I need to have communication
so I can tell you whats gone wrong
and you can tell me to be strong
I'm gonna write of Love
will I be accepted?
will I be loved?
will you be my love?
no of course you won't
forbidden love that is
not merely by society
but my mind as well
as taboo as strange
a fight within myself
I'm bound to wait for you
cuz it's just what I do
so I sit here in my darkened room
as I wait for you to count the steps
twenty from where you are to me
it feels like an eternity
perhaps because you never planned to make
the trip to save me from my gloom
or did you simply forget
distracted by women and the drink
I couldn't wait any longer
I took the window to my doom
Friday, December 5, 2008
muse
i wish i had a muse
something to give me words to use
but i have nothing but this stoic heart
unused to words to grab at stars
and unsure how to write my heart
my soul my mind my love my time
i need it all and i desire more
just one stab at something right
Sunday, November 23, 2008
held
held
i wish you had held onto me
in a hug an embrace
why didn't you look into my face
my eyes so full of pain
they held the tears of your refrain
and i couldn't tell you
you wouldn't hear
that i loved you
and you walked out the door
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
there is more to him than i can see
not that i can't see
the pictures are crystal quality
but my mind is empty
the feel of prospective clothes
or the racks-what did the racks look like?
only my heartbeat is clear
an eager patter quickening in my chest
my lungs are short of breath
in its earnest rhythm it seeks
the warmth that surges steadily
if only i could die
no person could I know
i think that was the last thing i wrote
that he cried before my eyes
then later he apologized
and suddenly they all disappeared
with hallways vacant and the mall cleared
and Tim and I spent the night
with paper clip bows to stage a fight
and then he too went away
with just the washers to keep my ghosts away
until I too left that place
and nothing remained but that's okay
a story place told by a story face
i want to feel safe
period, end of statement
that's what I want
no, what I need
humans don't like surprises
i don't enjoy the experience of stress
so what is it i do? when emotions threaten to spill
and depression is ready to fill
where do i turn?
to paper and pen or to a friend
do i have a friend?
a rock on which to lean
in to which I can rant
where can i claim a steady source for myself?
i cannot believe the stupidity
what do I do? What could I have done? They are
in a serious amount of trouble. Why would they?
How could they? They could have stopped it. I should have stopped it. Did I really just witness that? Such a display of hot-headedness. Now I
am stuck and now I am terrified. This is too much
to worry over. I almost sought help. Maybe I should have spoken earlier. No, I know I should have. I don't know anything and yet I know all
I know that this was wrong- I know I'm wrought with worry
no quiero estar en clase
well it's true.
it isn't because of the class
it is simply due to you
you're mean you drama queen
a theater woman of the highest degree
your jokes antagonize me so
I want to leave
leave this place and
get outa your face
no more literature please
at least
no more english with you
a gloomy day for my dreary mood
but that was yesterday
today i plan to improve
impose on you my enjoyment of spanish
spanglish really. i ain't fluent
fluid transfer of thoughts and emotions
you're my best friend
he is the closest thing here
i get excited to say hi
and with you i get by
her i like. no really i like
the way she smiles the way she moves
those lively eyes make my body tremble
shake! my world is collapsing
test i can't take papers i don't make
oh me. ah you! you won't help
not in that way
life will have its way
murmur
murmur
like your body surrounding me
the trickle of your words resonating deep within
the feel of your breath a sequence of sparks throughout my skin
the sweat glazing like a dew the nakedness of me to you
as you to me seem angelic i extend to claim your chalice
yellow highlighter
yellow highlighter
don't let me down
in neon you illuminate
bright lines of importance
right and wrong you don't differentiate
but you do, don't you
your toxins display my best and worse
with indifference you operate
so yellow highlighter
what are you on this day
motivator or depressant
go on- illuminate
have you ever had the feeling no one wants to talk?
not in general but just to you
like the friends you thought that you might have
decide that it would be best to wholly abstain
from contact with you in any form
and from giving you the satisfaction of the form
oh my they can be so kind
i only wish i could survive alone
i love that smile
i love that smile...
when he came
and stood in
my doorm doorway,
he grinned wide
and waved hi-
i knew i met
something grand
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
pride? like how proud you said you were of me? fighting stunned closed falling running I wish you could see me now I'll show you someone with real pride to have to hold be forever mine not once did I betray the vow the pride with which you sold your soul to that work I can't believe you'll be there tonight I never once took another into my lie
that would be nice- to have thoughts spray
like water droplets onto the page
as if a sprinkler glazed the lines
with blotches of black ink
you think?
have I yet lost myself to the light
or reflective displays on windows and white panes?
an hour of my life I have spent today
doing nothing but staring at this page
No quiero amigos ¿I don't want friends? is that what you meant? that you didn't mean a word or that you'd rather be alone I've spent those days before in times when I am you, and you are blue with swirling thoughts and life unclaimed tearing holes inside of you pretentious sects only pretend in times when goals to help obtain what I said is not quite true quiero tener amigos, but just not you
sometimes you are just in the mood to empathize
as if everything in the world is speaking to you
like the still bird on the sidewalk of our ironclad words
the earth is softly breathing in our hearts
soul has been known throughout our lands
if our eyes are just white elephants in thought
what is it in heart we are to ignite?
Sunday, September 7, 2008
fever dreams
socially antisocial
i'm disappointed by their need to be forgotten
forget themselves forget each other
hey why not forget forever?
because my poison is my own choice
my need to be pushed to a stupor is required
if i didn't what is it i'd be?
the id is inside me
the ego is about me
if i move furtively
then i can find sleep
it isn't that i don't miss you
it isn't that I don't miss you
I do it's true
i miss your smile and that ferocious glare
the way you go wild and hold it all in
your directed lack of direction
towards nothing we climb to everything
i need that too not just you
so why don't i communicate
i don't want to miss my chance
to find it here too
californian music mixed with good ole fashioned
farm values and a need to be accepted
a suspected homosexual mixed together
with the man that just got play
and don't forget the socially awkward
hoping college means a new chance at friendship
where do you stand in the mix of misfits
how do you collide without the danger of collision
it's that reserved nature
it's that reserved nature- controlled and calibrating
is it that he knows he doesn't need anyone?
he traveled across the land for a purpose
his purpose lies unknown, but he feels it
pulling at him keeping him from
wild loose lost in adolescence
ready to scream party exert himself physically
musically he combines himself into
what one would say a man sure he has a
place and right
this situation
I haven't had time to assess this situation.
my head swirls with thoughts of people and places
while I am caught up in a tempest of
fresh faces...and unknown facets
of life- guys constantly looking for lust
boys finding drunken ramblings better
for them to forget that they can be caught
MIP: my insecure person cannot bear to
bare itself to anyone else
you're not a poet if you can't say it
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
practice writing
here is a bit of practice writing i don't feel like editing or formatting. i'm giving it to you exactly the way it came out on paper
just write. for lets say 15 minutes I will just write. the night was magic. so calm and dull but unbelievably wild. this air we breathe is blessed for you and me. the reds and purples mixed in with yellows and for a moment nothing else mattered. except for the shooting star we sat and watched. when i wished for love you looked enthralled by pinpricks of light billions of years off. in their reflection i grasper you eyes. except for the kiss we shared under that shooting star. it was short- a burst of love. it was just what i wished for and then i got more. i got a sunrise over the lake house where we first made love. i got a child with your hazel eyes. one day he'll look into a lover's eyes and see the stars in the sky. we are young but the day is new. one day i might spend a day with you. with you as a lake under the sky's beating rays. my skin sticky with sweat i suggest a swim. we don't mind the time we strip and jump. the water is cool unlike your touch. right now we're innocent listening to the birds cheerfully chirp. will our love change when we know more than just youth? will we still watch clouds under pale blue dkies? will we still lock eyes and know each others love?
Friday, August 8, 2008
I woke up to the sound of rain Its cry never ceases to amaze In its drumming I lose my pain Like the opaque sheets create a haze Of course the faze can't fully drain The well of angst found within this craze As my feelings turn to downpour and the signs point to lightning I find myself seeking rainbows in my need to leave God's grace
love or hate?
if you love me tear me down with such force i break the ground if you love me throw me out leave me lonely by myself if you love me cuss a storm with such rage you make me cry if you love me trash my name leave me friendless with your vice and if you hate me you'll never call to tell me it was all because you love do you love me do you hate me *both*
me
Sunday, July 20, 2008
I want to show you that I'm sad. Because I looked into her hazel eyes as she cried; it was her saying goodbye. Goodbye after a day where all we did was play. Goodbye to the week of dinner and movies. Goodbye to the month of slow walks down long shores. Goodbye to a year of love in every form. She looked into my eyes and cried. I longed to hold her but she said "Good-bye."
One plus one equals me and you in the nude. Or is it a cow flying over the moon? I get confused when you refuse the sounds of a piano or this great muse. If lime is green and you are seen- does that make me feel? Your hair is eighty-two. Not in physical appearance, but because your soul resembles a raisin. Adios! the rain died.
Friday, July 11, 2008
aquamarine
on this starlit summer night I'm struck with one beautiful sight her body soft touchable supple the skin creamy a perfect white her hair the beach and sand gently flowing in this ocean breeze, she was serene standing bare a glazed stare all her hope lying in that wishing star as my love grew in her fleeting glow
Thursday, July 10, 2008
I'm a brilliant red; fascinating really. You see her? a vibrant yellow I'd say. And him, a deep purple. But us together, you and me, we make music as our lives collide. In stunning color our love makes light; chemistry is visible and the passion palpable. I want you and you want me. Let our bodies entwine upon this night.
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