They don't tell you how to deal with these things in high school, feeling like going insane feeling like running away feeling like pounding your brain away with drugs because that's what feels good right now.
There's no thinking about tomorrow when you're this far into crazy, when the days are long and hazy. So why bother? Why bother with the class with the test you just failed? Drink some vodka! It puts hair on your chest and then, hey! fuck around. It feels good, not that I would know.
I'm just full of angst. I'm just a little buzzed, not even tipsy yet. I'm just mad.
Mad that I can't do it. Mad that I'm used to it. Mad that you shouldn't believe in me. Mad for being me!
What the fuck, life? Why all of this strife? Yes, that rhymes, get over it.
That was meant to make you smile. I know in my heart that I failed.
Why? Because that's what I do. I fail.
I fail to follow through. I fail to stay consistent. I fail to understand myself. I even failed to die.
So next time I promise, think twice.
I'm just good at fucking up.
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