headache

my head hurts

my head hurts in this terrible caffeinated sleepless tantrum.
i try to calm it with sweet piano melodies and eyes closed for sleep,
but my head hurts.
my head hurts too much to sleep,
because it is trying to figure out why my heart hurts.
why my heart hurts after weeks of silence
why my heart hurts now
why my heart hurts so terribly much
and yet my heart doesn't hurt at all

my heart doesn't feel.
and these tears that are about to fall...
they aren't real.
because my heart doesn't hurt
it never hurt at all

it didn't hurt when you hugged me
and my body felt electricity.
it didn't hurt when you smiled contently
as i was exiled from your room.
it didn't hurt when you didn't talk to me
for what seemed like weeks.
it didn't hurt when you chastised me
for not being the best i could be.

my heart never hurt.
it didn't hurt at all.
my heart never hurt.
you don't matter at all.