call me crazy but this one and the one below it almost seem like two stanzas of one poem. maybe you could try combining them. i think they would make a good submission as one poem, or if you don't like that, you could submit each one separately. just a thought...
Patrick Miranda clamors greedily at possessions to realize no necessity when i live with nothing but contempt in my arms I'll find glory in your loving grace
if I make my eyes windows show my heart upon my sleeve let the world see that there's love free for anyone but me
yeah. now keep in mind that this is all just my opinion, so don't let that affect how you view your own work, but i really like that. they felt incomplete to me as separate poems. but as i say, do whatever feels right to you as the author, but i do like this edit. :)
I could see why you like these two together. Personally, I think that there is a different stanza that goes with make my eyes windows. I'm not sure what it is yet because I haven't written it yet. I'll leave the two like this for now though =)
call me crazy but this one and the one below it almost seem like two stanzas of one poem. maybe you could try combining them. i think they would make a good submission as one poem, or if you don't like that, you could submit each one separately. just a thought...
ReplyDeletePatrick Miranda
ReplyDeleteclamors greedily at possessions
to realize no necessity
when i live with nothing but
contempt in my arms
I'll find glory
in your loving grace
if I
make my eyes windows
show my heart upon my sleeve
let the world see
that there's love free
for anyone but me
I will;I'll see
like that?
yeah. now keep in mind that this is all just my opinion, so don't let that affect how you view your own work, but i really like that. they felt incomplete to me as separate poems. but as i say, do whatever feels right to you as the author, but i do like this edit. :)
ReplyDeleteI could see why you like these two together. Personally, I think that there is a different stanza that goes with make my eyes windows. I'm not sure what it is yet because I haven't written it yet. I'll leave the two like this for now though =)
ReplyDelete