I'm still Patrick

The rapid succession of breaths
masks the tears streaming down his face.

I can't do this.
I can't do this.
I can't do this.

He mutters to himself as he sits
curled in a ball on his floor.
He rocks back and forth as if the motion
will somehow make him forget his emotion.

I can't do this.
I can't do this.
I can't do this anymore.

His heart pounds and he feels it in his chest.
His mind races, looking for a solution.

But he can't do this.
He can't do this.
He can't do this at all.

New failures and new disgraces,
a new year filled with old hopeless
mutterings of his old mantra.

I can't do this.
I can't do this.
I can't do this.

NO MORE

No more failures.
No more fuck ups.
No more hatred.
No more racing.
No more tears.
No more faking.
No more masking what I'm feeling.

Fuck this panic.
Fuck this crazy.
Fuck this emotion that I'm feeling.
Fuck the old year and its meaning.

I am learning.
I am growing.
I am making myself earn it.
I deserve it.

Because.

I can do this.
I can do this.
I can do this.

Let's go.