The Journey: Exercise 3

Day 14: Steal an idea from Thought Catalog and spend too much time thinking about your ex.

Hi, friends. Today's post is rather embarrassing for Patrick. So, my task for this exercise was to complete the thought, "There was something about the way he." That phrase obviously had me thinking about my ex for a couple of days, which made the exercise impossible for me. That was until I started reading things on http://thoughtcatalog.com/. Read it. Love it. It's a beautiful thing. Anyway, I was just minding my business, reading all the posts in the dating/breakups/feelings/romance categories when the site updated with its latest post titled, "I'm Sorry For Starting At You, Gay Couple." Obviously I had to click on it. After getting a couple paragraphs in I was finally able to write my response to the exercise prompt.

Here it is:

I'm sorry for staring at you.

I'm sorry for staring at you unsuspecting, undeserving hot/cute/great sense of fashion/perfect hair/fabulous dude.I definitely didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. Trust me, I recognize the reality that you are probably not gay and have zero intention of ever being involved with me. I also understand that the fact that we were both downtown at the food truck at 1am on the weekend does not mean that we are clearly and incandescently meant to be. I get these things.

I'm staring at you not because I want to jump your bone or tear your clothes off immediately, not that I would necessarily mind those things, but because your mere presence activates in me some uncontrollable psychotic leap into fantasy. I fall in love with people so easily, and you just happen to be the person inducing my musings on true love and the intersections of human life today. Sorry, bro.

I'm staring at you because part of me is hoping that one day I will accidentally bump into the love of my life while waiting for a $14 haircut at Great Clips or buying manchego cheese.

I'm staring at you because you remind me of all the times a boy has held my hand, particularly the way he held my hand just after we had argued and I accused him (rightly so) of not actually caring.

I'm staring because I'm dumb. And, I apologize man with high cheek bones/flat abs/ chiseled arms/blue eyes/bright smile. You definitely did not deserve my narcosis today.

With Hope,

Patrick

p.s. Butttt, if you actually want to date me you should totally let me know. Okay, bye.

----

Well, that was it.

You should all totally tell me something embarrassing that you've been caught doing so I don't feel like the only dumb-ass out here today.

And, if you want some bonus reading, here is something I posted on Tumblr and y'all didn't get to see.

I’ve known my brother is gay for years, probably just as long as he has. He was invited to a birthday party, Lily’s birthday party, in the fourth grade. All eleven ten year old girls and my brother were sitting on the grass when Lily put her hand between her and Michael. And, Michael placed his hand there too, but he didn’t seem comfortable. 

In first grade they had all the students line up for the bathroom by holding hands. One day Michael was next to Paul in line. Everyone held hands to form the queue, and Michael didn’t let go. He kept holding Paul’s hand all the way down the hall, like his hand belonged there. Like there was nothing more natural in the world.

I didn’t know then, nor did I know in fourth grade. I figured it out in seventh just before Micael came out. Michael, Lily, Jordan, and I were laying in the empty lot next to our house the autumn of 2003 when Michael said he had a problem. “So, there’s this boy I like in our science class,” He said. “Bill,” we answered in unison. “Yeah, and I want to ask him out but I’m not sure if he’s,” “Gay,” we finished. “So you all already knew?” “Yup,” said Jordan. “Duh,” Lily responded. “I love you,” I whispered. He reached for my hand.

Peace out, y'all.

--pat