I'm a mess

I'm unraveling,
waiting as I come undone.
The thread of me came loose with you
and now I'm shredded through.

I once was strong,
a heart in hand
and ready to be thrown.

Now I'm scared.
I lost my heart.
And when it was found,
I clutched it close for
no one else to hold.

It's not for her,
or even you.
Because, I'm a mess.
I've come undone.

How's Life?

the music hums
and my feet beat
there's nothing to be done.

I'm alone
and in my room
the magic's here to be found.

I move
and tears fall-
from sad to happy let them come,

because my heart tears from my chest
when I think of you.
But, there's nothing to be done.
I'm alone, waiting to be found.
Let whoever come.

Do you believe in God?

i'm not sure. i used to. i used to be a rather devout catholic. then, some things in my life changed, and now i don't go to church or pray. i suppose i still believe there has to be something more, but i'm not sure if that is God or not.

Whatcha wanna know?

Who are the people you love most in your life?

believe it or not, i actually do love my family. my brother mitchell has always been very important to me despite how much i want to punch him in the face.
otherwise, i love my friends. I'll give special shout outs to Bill and Christine, but otherwise you should probably know. If you don't, I'm not doing my job properly.

Whatcha wanna know?

Untitled 11-28

smile for awhile
says the music of the wind

laugh till your death
let it tickle all your skin

work for the work
not the money or the fame

be who you'll be
don't let them change a thing

simple is the wish;
take the pills before I sleep

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trapped within the bones
of a too thin ribcage
it beats ba-dum ba-dum
until it bursts.

Bursts. bursts
from too much life
without enough love
Moloch! Moloch!
cries the Howl of the city street.
They, too, have been worked too hard.

We have been worked too hard.
Worked to the point of hiding.
Hiding ourselves with
masks and self discovery stories--
our self defining moments.

Moments of purest epiphany
that lead to this discovery:
know yourself and learn to love it.

let me tell you about courage

courage is sitting alone
in your room crying at the thought
of people finding out
who you are, but not giving up.

courage is writing down the words
that will change your life,
hoping it's for the better.

courage is taking the pills
that mess with your brain
because you would give
anything not to be crazy.

courage is leaving the room
and smiling, hoping
that today is better than the last.

No one home

I walk into my room.
The light's on.
Stop.

I stop.
I'm trying to slow my breathing
while at the same time prepare
myself for the fight or flight
response I'm not used to.

Did I leave the light on?

I take a step.
There's giggling.
I smile.
I recognize that voice.
She came to visit.

Things I learned last night.

vermilion truth
with cinnamon lies
brings sapphire seduction
and emerald envy.

clear cups of rose hope
don't mix with jade memories,
and Brian texting Steph
was more ugly than true.

My life needs more ginger,
and his needs some mocha.
So, why don't we settle
this honest onyx waste of time.

writer's block

the words are gone--
torn from me
like homes torn from the ground in a storm.
windows of poetry stained
with the blood of my heart
lost from the wells of its chest.

the tears come slowly,
like a funeral procession.

fingers shake as they
slide the pen across the page.
it's over.

it's done.
my madness has stolen my mind.
there is no hope for this hopeless boy.

I'm cold.